Get Off On the Pain

“Get Off On The Pain” – Gary Allan

Addiction can be a life of pain and a life of happiness all at the same time.  Sometimes, I wonder if people like I used to, like to “get off on the pain”.  I notice myself riding with the ‘dark horses’ every once in a while in dealing with adversity in ways that I should handle differently.  At times, I feel that my mind leads me to a different level of excitement and craziness at the same time because lets be honest, there are times i like the mania.  At a point in my life in the height of my addiction, ‘picking fights’ and ‘dancing in the flame’ is all I new.  Looking back on it now, it seemed like I would invite problems and adversity into my life. Living as an active alcoholic, helped me make decisions to push people away from me because I wanted that next drink, resulting in living my life in my own prison.

“I got a hundred scars I should have run away, now tattooed on my skin”…. Everyone has scars on their heart and soul. I have scars inside and out with different tattoos from the various stages in my life over the last 10 years.  All of the scars and tattoos are reminders of where I have been and where I should keep going, which is down the journey of recovery.  It’s all about perception and how you view mental / emotional pain and progress.  It can be the difference between leading the pack or riding in the back of the pack.  “God knows there is no one else to blame”….  ‘I drank or did this because someone hurt me’, doesn’t work because life doesn’t work that way. Living with addiction is about taking ownership of your addiction and living concurrently with it, whether you like getting off on the pain or not.

I don’t know why I love women
That love to do me wrong
Don’t know why my life sounds like
A heart-broke country song
I ain’t really happy
Unless the sky starts driving rain
Maybe I just get off on the pain

My whole life I been picking fights
There ain’t no way to win
Got a hundred scars I should have run away
Now tattooed on my skin
There’s a side of me that just won’t stop
Dancin’ in the flame
Maybe I just get off on the pain

Cause I love the long shot
And the left out lost causes
Hanging out in the back of the pack with the dark horses
I ride the wrong road just as fast as I can
God knows there’s no one else to blame
Sometimes I think I get off on the pain

Wake up every morning, a thousand miles from home
Praying for forgiveness
For this aching in my bones
It would be so easy
To find a better way
Oh but I know I’ll never change

Cause I love the long shot
And the left out lost causes
Hanging out in the back of the pack with the dark horses
I ride the wrong road just as fast as I can
God knows there’s no one else to blame
Sometimes I think I get off on the pain

Cause I love the long shot
And the left out lost causes
Hanging out in the back of the pack with the dark horses
I ride the wrong road just as fast as I can
God knows there’s no one else to blame
I know I’m the only one to blame
Sometimes I think I get off on the pain
Get off on the pain

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