“One Step Up and Two Steps Back”

It’s been an interesting week… I usually wake up in the mornings and read the blogs I follow, listen to music and write posts for my blog “Addiction Place”.  However, this week has been a little different and I am taking the time to try to reflect on why that was. The only reason I have opened my laptop lately is to check work e-mail and complete reports for work.  On my phone, I have been clicking the edit button on my personal email account and checking “mark all as read” on my cell phone and haven’t been doing much else other then reading a story here and there on Facebook / Twitter.  I now look back at my week at work and realize how stressful it was, but I am having trouble identifying really what made my week that difficult / stressful.  I used to take work home mentally a few years ago before I started my second journey in active recovery.  This week, I have to say that I may have taken two steps back in identifying things that were effecting me and how I wasn’t using strategies to cope with it.  I’ve been coming home from work, laying on the couch, falling asleep really early at night, etc.  Sleeping used to be a coping mechanism for me and obviously still is when I am not doing anything else to help myself. As the other day, I celebrated 46 months in active recovery, I didn’t even want to really acknowledge it.  I don’t look for a pat on the back from others, but I sure give myself a pat on the back and I didn’t this month.  

I came to realize in my early days of sobriety / recovery that every day is a celebration.  I know this last week, I was in survival mode.  Not necessarily just with my recovery, but also with work and other things that go along with life.  I have Monday off and I have looked forward to this 3 day weekend as it was spring break.  I wanted to get away from all of the paperwork, parent emails, student problems, staff concerns, etc. I know that even having a week off doesn’t get rid of anything, because it will be there when I get back, but I do know that I needed to give myself a break to refocus my priorities and get out of survival mode.  I feel like I started to get in gear yesterday and I’m in gear today with an optimistic outlook and a positive attitude.  A person doesn’t have to relapse to take two steps back and I haven’t.  Thoughts become actions though and if I slip back into your old ways of dealing with things, it will lead down a slippery slope.  

Life is full of choices and this last week, I made the choice to take two steps back by not following through with my actions that lead me to a healthy self, which in-turn, makes for a happy home and work environment.  As the song says “somewhere along the line, I stepped off track”, but I am here today to change that.  I am solely responsible for my thoughts and my actions.  No one else is responsible for how I view each day, my recovery, etc. As I started off in recovery minute by minute, day by day, week by week, and still live my recovery that way (day by day), I know that there are those out there beginning the journey of recovery today as I speak.  There are those planning out actions that will lead them to drink / use or not to drink / use today and the choice is all yours.  As miserable as it might be by thinking what you are going to do while watching a sporting event or going out to dinner with friends, make the day about you, which includes not doing anything that you don’t want to do or that could possibly put you in a difficult position.  Be grateful this morning that you took another breath, be your true self today and thankful that you have today to begin the rest of your life. 

“One Step Up” – Kenny Chesney

Woke up this mornin’
The house was cold
Checked the furnace she wasn’t burnin’
Went out and hopped in my old Ford
Hit the engine but she ain’t a turnin’
Given each other some hard lessons lately
But we aren’t learnin’
Same sad story thats a fact
Once step up and two steps backBird on a wire outside my motel room but he ain’t singin’
Girl in white outside a church in june
but the church bells they ain’t ringin’
Sittin’ here in this bar tonight
and all I’m thinkin’ is
How the same old story same old act
One step up and two steps back

Its the same thing night all night
Who’s wrong and baby who’s right
Another fight and I slam the door on
Another battle in our dirty little war
When I look at myself I don’t see the man I wanted to be
somewhere along the line I slipped off track
livin’ one step up and two steps back

There’s a girl across the bar
I get the message she’s sendin’
Mmm she ain’t lookin’ too married
We well honey I pretended
Last night I dreamed I held you in my arms
the music was never endin ‘
we danced as the evening sky faded to black
movin’ one step up and two steps up
(one step up and two steps back)
one step up and two steps back
(one step up and two steps back)
One step up and two steps back
(one step up and two steps back)
one step up and two steps back

ohhh..baby we’re movin’

One step up and two steps back…

4 thoughts on ““One Step Up and Two Steps Back”

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